Hello friends...
Its been quite a while since I blogged anything... Reason why...? Is simply because I didn’t want to write something just for the heck of writing...!
I would love to write on something that really impresses me or what I experience...!
Off late I have been observing my husband working day in and out, including his team members.
Some people are unable to bare work pressure... they look out for alternate jobs or project...!
Where as some people are able to manage job stress. Although the fact remains that they spend less time for their family...!
As an industrial psychologist, His work style and lifestyle always prompted me to do some readings and research on job stress.
More importantly I wanted to know why some people can handle job stress, while others simply can’t??....!
Well… first I would like to tell what is stress its definition:-
What is stress….?
Are you someone, who is bothered by work pressure or life style pressure?
Then you are not alone….! People around you, your friends or family members might have had or will be experiencing stress..!
Now what is “stress”…?
There is no proper definition for stress.. Because every one handle and experience stress in different form, so it’s been one of the most of the researchers to define it aptly.
Well, one of the definitions of general stress is that: - “Stress is a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. It's the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness.”
The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations — everything from outright physical danger to making a class presentation or taking a semester's worth of your toughest subject.
This natural reaction is known as the stress response. Working properly, the body's stress response enhances a person's ability to perform well under pressure. But the stress response can also cause problems when it overreacts or fails to turn off and reset itself properly.
According to me Stress is always not bad, because certain amount of stress is required to meet deadlines at work or at home, To achieve success…! It all depends on how the person handles it or manages himself…!
Psychologists categorize stress in to 2 types…
a) Eustress:- Is a positive stress, which is required to do our day today activities,, which brings positive outcomes.
b) Distress- Is a negative stress which leads to emotional and physical hazards’…!
Well what is this occupational or job stress….?
According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, job stress can be
defined as the harmful physical and emotional responses that occur when the
requirements of the job do not match the capabilities, resources, or needs of the worker.
People always choose fight or flight reaction..
For example, In the case of people who are able to manage stress, are fighting the stress by considering stress, as not a stress but a challenge…! And they fight the situation rather than choosing flight reaction.
Where as in the case of one of my friends, he chose flight reaction looking out for other alternative opportunities, Nothing wrong in that because, as I told earlier everyone experience stress differently,
"What is a stressor for me wouldn’t be a stressor for you…!"
Although there are differences in individual, it cannot be ignored; research studies indicate certain working conditions are stressful to most people.
This scientific evidence places greater emphasis on working conditions as the key source of job stress, and job redesign as the primary prevention strategy. Excessive workload demands and conflicting expectations, for example, are key sources of job stress.
Some of the causes for Job stress as I have observed and some of the scientific research are:-
1) Poor Time Management: - As I have observed poor time management and procrastination is one of the major reasons for job stress in meeting the dead lines…! This has motivated me to do a short study on time management and work stress management..! Hope to start the research at the earliest…!
2) Long hours of work and demanding work shifts..!:- this is another important observation I made when my husband was working in the night, working from home and going to office early in the morning and returned home late in the evening and some time at night…! This indeed had negative effect on personal relationship.
3) Management styles - a lack of participation by workers in decision-making, poor communication in the organization, lack of family-friendly policies;
4) Work roles - conflicting or uncertain job expectations, too much
responsibility, too many "hats to wear";
5) Career concerns - job insecurity, lack of growth opportunity,
rapid changes for which workers are unprepared;- This many would have had experienced and observed during the time of recession…. Corporate world had become a Rat Race…! This is another important reason that motivates people to take up multiple responsibilities and treat stressor as a challenge, rather than stress…!
6) Environmental conditions - unpleasant physical conditions
such as crowding, noise, air pollution; ergonomic problems;-- this is something I personally experienced when I was working as a training coordinator, Since it was a new project that we were launching I had to travel long distance and didn’t have proper seating arrangement and since it was a training institute we were collaborating with , It was noisy because it is common since, it was a training institute for teenagers…! I had to ask for proper seating arrangement and space with a dust free environ…! Although later I got it from the friendly management.
7) Work conditions that pose risk to health and safety. :- this is one of my personal observations at one of the major companies and had even heard from some of my friends how they were not provided proper desk and work space had developed sever back pain and they had to voluntirely request for proper seating and desk arrangement.
8) Infrequent rest breaks;:-- one of the close friends of mine, she is just an example, she was taking inadequate rest break and she had developed headache…!
Do you know what the indicators of jobstress are???? :-
1) Headache
2) Short temper,Irritablity and moodiness
3) Sleep disturbances
4) Upset stomach
5) Job Dissatisfaction
6) Low morale.
7) Sadness and Depression
8) Drinking too much, Smoking and, over eating. sometimes even Drugs…!
How to avoid this culprit….out of our way..! Or how to manipulate him in to a challenge rather than to a stressor????
Well there are many proven techniques to manage stress or to handle stress, these help us to remain calm and effective in high pressure situations, and help us avoid the problems of long term stress.
Some of the methods I have also tried when I was working are :-
• First, identify what's creating stress at work.
• Get organized. Keep track of your projects and deadlines by making a list of what's urgent. Decide what matters most and what can wait.
• Set a Contingent time:- Always have a contingent time for each task.
• Use a schedule planner:- to plan your day or week. Just seeing on paper that there is time to get each task done can help you get to work. Break a large project into small steps, and set a deadline for each one.
• Learn to say "no." Don't over commit yourself. If you take on too much, you're creating stress.
For example:- John’s long-term goal is to reduce stress by learning to say "no" to projects he doesn't have time to handle. His short-term goal is to get organized and prioritize the projects he has now. He is going to make a list of all of his work and then prioritize the tasks that are most important.
• Delegate. Ask someone else to take on a task. This helps Managers and team leaders in general because they have lot more responsibilities’ than rest of the team members.
• Focus. Do one thing at a time. In some cases, you can do two things at a time. But if you start to feel stressed, go back to doing one thing at a time.
• Meet with your manager at least once a year to talk about your performance. If performance review is already a part of your job, then discusses issues that are causing stress. Discuss how you can improve
• Do Regular exercise: - Yoga and breathing exercise are best possible exercise you can add on to you routine or you can even go for a jog or a log walk either early in the morning or in the evening after work, pamper yourself with a good walk and fresh Air.
• Try Meditation:- best way to relax your mind…!
• Sleep. Make sure you get enough sleep. Lack of sleep impairs concentration
which can add pressure and anxiety.
• Take a real vacation. When you take time off, avoid thinking about work. Focus on things you enjoy. This applies to your time off on weekends as well.
• Avoid any sought of Stressful relationships…! It might be a tough friend or may be even for that matter extra marital affair…! You have to confront the person who is responsible for stress…!
• Set a goal for yourself that involves reducing your stress level. Think about both a long-term and a short-term goal.
For example: - Raoul’s long-term goal is to reduce stress by having a better understanding of what’s expected of him at work. His short-term goal is to find out how he is doing now. He plans to schedule a meeting with his boss to talk about his performance and how he can improve.
Once you have set your goal think of all the possible issues that might get your way…! So prepare a
• “action plan”..! To write down your goals, the possible barriers, and your ideas for getting past them. By thinking about these barriers now, you can plan ahead for how to deal with them if they happen. Prepare the action plan in a table format.
• Maintain a “Stress Dairy”:-- Stress Diaries are important for understanding the causes of short-term stress in your life. They also give you an important insight into how you react to stress, and help you to identify the level of stress at which you prefer to operate. The idea behind Stress Diaries is that, on a regular basis, you record information about the stresses you are experiencing, so that you can analyze these stresses and then manage them.
• Prepare a table in the “stress Dairy “ So that it should contain 8 columns:-
Column 1 Should be for Date and time
Column 2 Should be allocated for :-“Most Recent Stressful even you Experienced”;
Column 3 containing:- “Fundamental Cause of the Event”
Column 4 containing:- “How much Stressed are you now on a scale of 1 to 10”
Column 5 For:-“What are the physical symptoms or indicators felt during stressful situation”
Column 6 “How effectively did you handle the Stress”
Column 7 For “How likely you are to use the same strategy for a similar situation next time(on a scale of 1 to10)
Column 8 for: - “how happy you are now? on a scale of 1 to 10 And how is your current mood”
At last analyze your stress Dairy…! Count on me by now you would have had got the clear picture to solve the problem, Important and frequent cause of stress, your routine, This helps you to use your strategies’ to cope up your stress when encountered next…! You can even use this to improve your skill.
• Engaging in an activity you enjoy diverting your attention. And talk to your friends about the stress; this method is called catharsis…! You friends might not give you a solution but talking out will definitely help.
• Your last Resort should be “Flight Reaction…!” that may be either changing the organization or change of project…! Or in day to day activity putting an end to the person or the stressor simply by avoiding them or ignoring them…!
Because Remember friends stress is every where, each organization or a person will have their own rules and set of principles, we have to learn to fight and face it…! And our last resort should be flight reaction…!
For further information on stress management you can visit:-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_management
http://changingminds.org/techniques/stress/stress_management.htm
one of the best books which would help workingprofessionals and leaders :-
Review of the book :-http://search.barnesandnoble.com/How-to-Reduce-WorkPlace-Conflict-and-Stress/Anna-Maravelas/e/9781564148186#TABS
All the best to all of my friends who are in the journey to manipulate stressor to a challenge, fight and face it….!
"Please Blopers(bloggers) please do share some of the tips you follow to handle stress." I am eager to learn for you....! :)
Showing posts with label Social Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Social Psychology. Show all posts
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
COPS... Sherifs....Police...911.. 100...! are indeed public life guards...! :)
Hello... Friends.... i am back from long time hibernation....!:)
What woke me up was... that one of my experiences...! Because i was busy with my volunteering job in library and painting classes with my friend and my teacher....!
i work for a city library as a volunteer.. As a basic technical/computer helper and I recently volunteered for shelving in the library, because i love books. And irrespective of what subject or knowledge i would love to learn every single moment of my life...!
Indeed i am getting rich experience by working in this awesome place..! I see old patrons who have crossed over age 60yrs are enthusiastic; they strive and have urge to learn computer technology...! I admire them and they have indeed inspired and taught me some of the lessons of life that is
“Irrespective of how old you are keep yourself open to absorb any thing good happening around you and keep yourself updated with a tiny bit of knowledge, after all.... Age is just matter of numbers and you are never too old to learn any thing...!"
I love the work that i am doing in the library... haven’t you heard some thing like
“Some times you got to help yourself in order to get help...?" I am really proud of the work i am doing, it is more like, me, learning than helping the patrons to learn...! Amazing isn’t it...?
Well.... now let me tell you what happened on one, pleasant evening at my work place...,
it was as usual I finished my work at 4pm on Thursday evening, was waiting for my husband to come and pick me up from library, back to home..., but he was a bit late since he was busy at work, i decided to go to study room and read a book on " how to develop personality test questionnaire..! "
well before narrating my experience to you i wana ask you all... have you by any chance seen G4 channel on TV or people who are residing in other countries have you ever watched how cops in the US hunt and arrest the convicts....? i had watched that only on TV and YouTube...had not seen it until that day....!
I was sitting and reading in the study room, nothing special about it... Many others too were reading,
study room is supposed to be, "No Noise/ No mobile Zone" or in other words... it is a "Silence Zone"
And all of a sudden we all in the room heard a loud, crisp, bold and a firm, voice calling "Hi John...!" from a tall and a very handsome man followed by another 5 men well built and tall of which 2 of that were bladed their head, we all started staring those men with a dirty look because, that was supposed to be a "Silence Zone...!" and to our surprised they were later followed by 2 cops in there uniform, later we realized that they were cops... and nothing to worry about.... and we all were perplexed and watched what was going on.....! to our shock, "John" was a person who was sitting right next to us and browsing his laptop who stood up.. And they checked his browsing history, his calls log... and later packed his bag and searched him completly to confirm that he was not armed... and in the whole process, they were soo respectful and mild, they questioned him respectfully weather he had called his mother...? And all the things laying there, were his and later happened to ask him something which we didn’t hear, but later cop said..." We will talk about this later...! " and patted his shoulders and handcuffed him he was arrested and taken along with them and 2 cops in the uniform were observing every one and wished "Hi...!" to me i was all happy as if a celebrity because i feel they are real life time heroes...! Who risk their lives to keep us safe...! By abiding to the laws...!
When I was in college, i used volunteer to some juvenile delinquent houses and Aids patients safe home... at times we used to go counsel for former convicts... as students of psychology..! Their, they used to teach us that, we have to speak respectfully with the convicts...! and even we had gone for a protest march, asking cops to treat, female prisoners’ and convicts with little bit of humanity because they were verbally and physically abused, although now that might have reduced to some extent...!
Leaving that aside.... after watching the work of cops my respect for them increased.. And i am a fan of those honest and hard working cops around the world....! Indeed they are
“Public Life Guards...!"
" * This blog is a tribute to all those wonderful cops around the world, especially cops like "Hemant Karkare's who sacrificed and gambled with his life to protect people in Mumbai Attack 2008 and many other soldiers who are dying every day at the borders of INDIA and all the US Veterans who are fighting against terror , by living their families behind and are unsure weather they will or will not see/ meet them again in their life time...!*"
Labels:
Social Psychology
Monday, January 4, 2010
Smile..! Beacuse " Your Simle is worth a Million....! "
Hi…!
A very big smile to all my friends who step on to my blog today…!
I always used to wonder as to why do we all smile???? When I was doing my Masters in college, most of my friends used to wonder and ask me why do I smile soo much?????
With out a single reason…! I never had an answer for that… either…!
I had even got some compliments for my smile and enjoyed it…but had not given a serious thought about it though..!
Until I came to US and observed people greeting even a stranger with a warm smile…!
How fantastic..! That’s when I became nostalgic and remembered my college days, Once My Psychology HOD told that women have higher tendency of smiling and they smile for no reasons at times…! Isn’t smile something beautiful and Attractive?
When I attended “Art of Living” course, there even Pundit Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Guruji teach us to “Smile”… smile in order to reflect smile in other person’s face….!
It happened so one day I was taking a walk in a jogging trail and I was little upset because I was missing my parents very badly who were in India and was almost in tears..
That’s when one lady who was a total stranger smiled and greeted me good evening and she continued to jog… Trust me friends, I was forced to smile and I felt soo much better and calm, felt there are so many thing to smile about and be cheerful.
“I felt a Smile is worth a Million and it’s a Heal to someone's Heart…!”
One of the researches by Psychologists’ that study Nonverbal Behavior, have proved that, women tend to smile more than men…! And some studies have shown that smiling and laughter profoundly influence our emotions and health. Several researchers have suggested that laughter really is the best medicine, or at least a darn good one.
Research has even found that seeing a smile can give more pleasure than sex or eating chocolate, according to new research. Receiving a smile from a friend or relative generates much higher levels of stimulation to the brain and the heart than being given money or having a cigarette, according to clinical tests.
But the amount of pleasure depends on who is smiling: a child’s face or that of a celebrity has a much better effect than a politician or a member of the Royal family. The study found that smiles from Geri Hallowell and Robbie Williams created much greater stimulation and pleasure than those by Tony Blair or Prince William.
The research, carried out by the computer giant Hewlett Packard, suggests simple human interaction is still worth far more than material pleasure. The research found that Scots were among the most likely in Britain to return a smile from a stranger. So ... people........
why don’t we make a resolution this New year to smile, greet people and spread happiness and make a difference in people around us…! By making some body pale, to beautiful..!:)
Have a Good Day.....! :)
Labels:
Social Psychology
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Psychology of possessiveness and control in Relationships.
Possessiveness... well this word definitely give a positive image, to most of us..
Why do we get possessive??? And what is this possessiveness all about?
Why do we get possessive or why our partners get possessive over us even in spite of knowing for the fact that the person is committed to us or them???
These questions started haunting me, when I had a tiny chit chat with some of my friends.., Thought possessiveness was only in my relationship but after chatting with them I realized it existed every where and amongst all relationships….!
Yes… amongst all arrays of relationships…! Surprised???? Don’t you get jealous when some one else comes closer to your best friend? Or have you not observed a child possessive and protective of his mother, when she cuddles another child????
Or for that matter… most of the Dog lovers would have had observed, if u pamper a child in front of you pets they get jealous…!
I had 2 dogs Robin and Pluto… both were jealous of each other …! When this exists amongst animals… they why not among human relationships????
To some extent we all love and enjoy possessiveness, attention and protection we get from our partners…!
Yes you are right... none of the parties remains happy, for that matter with each other that is also one of the reasons why many relationships break…! Or at times it might even lead to divorce and touchwood…. Even Abusive Relationships…!
“One must give Each other Space in a relationship. “ (Advice I got from one of my psychology teacher and my cousin …!)
You should never cling to anybody and suffocate them. One might feel that their personal space is being encroached upon…! Too much of anything does not have the charm for long. It is important to consider your beau as a separate individual,
Put your self in there shoes and think… as to how would it be if some one put a tab or kept watch on all of your activities??? Is it a pleasant feeling? You will get the feeling of not Trusted (Important ingredient for a healthy relation ship…!) you get hurt..!
Don’t dictate your friend / beau as to what he or she should or should not do… don’t try to rub your personal feeling inside you beau. And don’t make them make a choice between you and his or her friend… because gradually the situation will turn out to be such that you would be leading their life…! Do you like if someone else invades your space and thoughts and actions and dictates you? Like wise your beau too doesn’t appreciates it.
Dont be manipulative.
Reserch by psychologysts' has shown that people who are extremely possessive, lack Self esteem and they fear abandanment.
So Some of you who are extremely possesive remember that possessiveness is not a problem with your partner, but insted it is with in you, so try to break the habit. Approach a psychologyst....! to get external help.
As someone as rightly said that
“You need to believe in the relationship and the sanctity and strength of it. If you do, you will not feel the need to spy on your beau or to keep a tab on them or to tell them what to do and whom to talk to.”
I feel little space will bring the relation ship closer…! So friends trust your partners…! Give space for each other as I had told in my previous blog on Marriage..
” Give each other space and grow and allow them to grow…! “ have respect for each other.
I would like to share an article which I happen to read from a link:-
Here you can even find steps to break over possessiveness…!
http://www.sedona.com/lp-possessive
Why do we get possessive??? And what is this possessiveness all about?
Why do we get possessive or why our partners get possessive over us even in spite of knowing for the fact that the person is committed to us or them???
These questions started haunting me, when I had a tiny chit chat with some of my friends.., Thought possessiveness was only in my relationship but after chatting with them I realized it existed every where and amongst all relationships….!
Yes… amongst all arrays of relationships…! Surprised???? Don’t you get jealous when some one else comes closer to your best friend? Or have you not observed a child possessive and protective of his mother, when she cuddles another child????
Or for that matter… most of the Dog lovers would have had observed, if u pamper a child in front of you pets they get jealous…!
I had 2 dogs Robin and Pluto… both were jealous of each other …! When this exists amongst animals… they why not among human relationships????
If you Love someone dearly, it is possible and it is common to get Jealous, Possessive and insecure about the person.
To some extent we all love and enjoy possessiveness, attention and protection we get from our partners…!
Isn’t that true??? At least me, I would be really happy to get the attention. A little bit of all that is necessary in moderate amount in a relation ship to spice up the relationship…!
But dear friends have you ever thought what would happen if any of these factors exceeds moderate level????
Yes you are right... none of the parties remains happy, for that matter with each other that is also one of the reasons why many relationships break…! Or at times it might even lead to divorce and touchwood…. Even Abusive Relationships…!
But dear friends, have you ever thought what would happen, if any of these factors exceeds moderate level????
Yes you are right... none of the parties remains happy, for that matter with each other that is also one of the reasons why many relationships break…! Or at times it might even lead to divorce and touchwood…. Even Abusive Relationships…!
“One must give Each other Space in a relationship. “ (Advice I got from one of my psychology teacher and my cousin …!)
You should never cling to anybody and suffocate them. One might feel that their personal space is being encroached upon…! Too much of anything does not have the charm for long. It is important to consider your beau as a separate individual,
Put your self in there shoes and think… as to how would it be if some one put a tab or kept watch on all of your activities??? Is it a pleasant feeling? You will get the feeling of not Trusted (Important ingredient for a healthy relation ship…!) you get hurt..!
Don’t dictate your friend / beau as to what he or she should or should not do… don’t try to rub your personal feeling inside you beau. And don’t make them make a choice between you and his or her friend… because gradually the situation will turn out to be such that you would be leading their life…! Do you like if someone else invades your space and thoughts and actions and dictates you? Like wise your beau too doesn’t appreciates it.
Dont be manipulative.
Reserch by psychologysts' has shown that people who are extremely possessive, lack Self esteem and they fear abandanment.
So Some of you who are extremely possesive remember that possessiveness is not a problem with your partner, but insted it is with in you, so try to break the habit. Approach a psychologyst....! to get external help.
As someone as rightly said that
“You need to believe in the relationship and the sanctity and strength of it. If you do, you will not feel the need to spy on your beau or to keep a tab on them or to tell them what to do and whom to talk to.”
I feel little space will bring the relation ship closer…! So friends trust your partners…! Give space for each other as I had told in my previous blog on Marriage..
” Give each other space and grow and allow them to grow…! “ have respect for each other.
I would like to share an article which I happen to read from a link:-
Here you can even find steps to break over possessiveness…!
http://www.sedona.com/lp-possessive
Labels:
Social Psychology
Thursday, December 3, 2009
***Perfect Life Partner and Marriage...!
Hi All :)
Today friends I thought would share tidbit of views on marriage...! Though I am not much experienced in life...As you all know Life is a biggest teacher...! I have been married for 1.6 yrs now and not much of an experience tough...!
When I got married and moved to the US most of my friend in INDIA as well as some new friends i met here... there first question was ... was it an "Arranged Marriage"....? untill then through out my life i had not given a thought about the differences between Perfect Life Partner , Arranged or Love Marriage.
Well today i would just like to share how traditional Indian Arranged Marriage go on.. Although Arranged Marriage is still a debatable topic....!
Before that have you ever given a thought about "Perfect Life Partner" because almost every body talk about perfect life partner when it come to marriage...
I think before considering a "perfect life partner" a question with in our conscience should beep with a big red light on..... “Are any body perfect with out flaws? Or Are we Perfect....? “So... major doubt or confusion called perfect life partner is eliminated....! [Comments and criticisms’ well come...!]
In India and as well as in some of the other parts of the world still follow the system of Arranged Marriage although it’s not the fashion in the present generation...! Most of the time Arranged marriage is confused with "Forced Marriage"
It happened so, my painting teacher and me were having a small chit chat.. she was a little hesitant to ask me weather mine was an Arranged Marriage.. That’s when it initiated me to go back and check, on what basis Marriage is made...! and why Arranged Marriage or a Love Marriage or Marriage on the whole..! The puzzle started pecking inside my brain..
That’s when I started to find out the Analogies, differences and, commonalities between Traditional Arranged marriage and Love marriage ....
Story goes some thing like this, many many years ago originally there was no such system as marriage in INDIA... people were more primitive, something like cavemen. If a man wanted some woman he could just go and take her, and no one could say anything about it...! Swetaketu (a small boy ) changed all that .
One day Swetaketu , his father, Uddalaka Rishi , and his mother were all sitting peacefully near the hut. A Brahamin walked up to his mother, said “come walk with me....!" And carried her away. Swetaketu wanted to follow him and bring his mother back, but his father dissuaded him gently, saying “Someday you will steal someone's wife yourself.” Then swetaketu's young heart was hurt that he vowed he would change society so that no children would ever again be so cavalierly deprived of their mothers. And so marriage came into being.
Still, the ancient sacrament of marriage was nothing like what we have today. Back then if a boy and a girl decided to marry they would go out alone together to a secluded place and would take the sun , or the fire, the water or another of the great elements as witness, and that was it...! They were husband and wife.
Many rituals were added later by the priestly class just for the sake of priests’ benefit, but the essence of the rite still remains same. Every Vedic wedding today takes fire as a witness, because no marriage is regarded as irrevocably solemnized untill the couple takes seven steps around the sacred fire.
Well, Stories aside, a question arises with in every body’s mind... "How does this Arranged marriage work....? or Why is it Such a hit or successful comparatively?....!"
Some might be wondering, really? Does Arranged Marriage really work?????...! Even in spite of getting married to some one with whom you were not acquainted with...A total stranger…, known only for few days, spoken only for few hours…, chosen by some one else.. And known partially not completely though how…..?....! But how is that some people simply get along and their marriage becomes a big hit….?
Well answer lies here….:
Young adults tend to view arranged marriage as an option they can fall back on if they are unable or unwilling to spend the time and effort necessary to find spouses on their own. In such cases, the parents become welcome partners in a hunt for marital bliss. Further, in several cultures, the last duty of a parent to his or her son or daughter is to see that he or she passes through the marital rites.
Some of the major factors that are considered the order of priority are:--
1. Family Reputation.
2. Educational Qualification.
3. Psychological Compatability (Mode of thinking ).
4. Wealth.
5. Horoscope.
6. Age.
7. Language.
8. Culture.
9. Religion.
10. Diet or Food Habits.
11. Physical Preventability
These are certain basic and common factors which should be common amongst the perspective bride and the groom in today’s modern world, because although these factors sounds trivial, but as years pass by these factors after marriage emerges as main factors.
The Research has shown that Arranged marriages are more stable than love marriages, since matchmaking is done on several dimensions of compatibility, instead of on a whim…
Remember friends I am not talking for or against Arranged or Love Marriage… Don’t misunderstand me.
As one of the writers has rightly said that :-“ Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.” When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!
"Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing OR Marry some one who shares same Goals in life."
At last would like to share something very usefull tip for a happy married life, which one of my very good friends passed on to me..... which was indeed helpfull and practicle :-
He said irrespective of Love or an Arranged Marriage :--
Few tips for a happy life:
* Life is Short......! Don't take things very serious and don't get offended, try and avoid quarrels.
* Follow the principle - Forgive and Forget.
* Don't try to Investigate things - Trust
* Love - you will not be happy without love - it brings happiness in life.
* Establish a good communication.
* DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
* A SENSE OF HUMOR
* INTIMACY
*GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
* SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
1. "Love is patient and kind;
2. love is not jealous or boastful;
3. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way;
4. It is not irritable or resentful;
5. It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
6. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
7. Love never ends; 1 Cor 13:4
These tips did really work for me... it will definitly help you too...! and makes the relationship stronger....! :)
Today friends I thought would share tidbit of views on marriage...! Though I am not much experienced in life...As you all know Life is a biggest teacher...! I have been married for 1.6 yrs now and not much of an experience tough...!
When I got married and moved to the US most of my friend in INDIA as well as some new friends i met here... there first question was ... was it an "Arranged Marriage"....? untill then through out my life i had not given a thought about the differences between Perfect Life Partner , Arranged or Love Marriage.
Well today i would just like to share how traditional Indian Arranged Marriage go on.. Although Arranged Marriage is still a debatable topic....!
Before that have you ever given a thought about "Perfect Life Partner" because almost every body talk about perfect life partner when it come to marriage...
I think before considering a "perfect life partner" a question with in our conscience should beep with a big red light on..... “Are any body perfect with out flaws? Or Are we Perfect....? “So... major doubt or confusion called perfect life partner is eliminated....! [Comments and criticisms’ well come...!]
In India and as well as in some of the other parts of the world still follow the system of Arranged Marriage although it’s not the fashion in the present generation...! Most of the time Arranged marriage is confused with "Forced Marriage"
It happened so, my painting teacher and me were having a small chit chat.. she was a little hesitant to ask me weather mine was an Arranged Marriage.. That’s when it initiated me to go back and check, on what basis Marriage is made...! and why Arranged Marriage or a Love Marriage or Marriage on the whole..! The puzzle started pecking inside my brain..
That’s when I started to find out the Analogies, differences and, commonalities between Traditional Arranged marriage and Love marriage ....
I happened to read this intresting Article from a book which i would like to share....
Story Time....!
Story goes some thing like this, many many years ago originally there was no such system as marriage in INDIA... people were more primitive, something like cavemen. If a man wanted some woman he could just go and take her, and no one could say anything about it...! Swetaketu (a small boy ) changed all that .
One day Swetaketu , his father, Uddalaka Rishi , and his mother were all sitting peacefully near the hut. A Brahamin walked up to his mother, said “come walk with me....!" And carried her away. Swetaketu wanted to follow him and bring his mother back, but his father dissuaded him gently, saying “Someday you will steal someone's wife yourself.” Then swetaketu's young heart was hurt that he vowed he would change society so that no children would ever again be so cavalierly deprived of their mothers. And so marriage came into being.
Still, the ancient sacrament of marriage was nothing like what we have today. Back then if a boy and a girl decided to marry they would go out alone together to a secluded place and would take the sun , or the fire, the water or another of the great elements as witness, and that was it...! They were husband and wife.
Many rituals were added later by the priestly class just for the sake of priests’ benefit, but the essence of the rite still remains same. Every Vedic wedding today takes fire as a witness, because no marriage is regarded as irrevocably solemnized untill the couple takes seven steps around the sacred fire.
Well, Stories aside, a question arises with in every body’s mind... "How does this Arranged marriage work....? or Why is it Such a hit or successful comparatively?....!"
Some might be wondering, really? Does Arranged Marriage really work?????...! Even in spite of getting married to some one with whom you were not acquainted with...A total stranger…, known only for few days, spoken only for few hours…, chosen by some one else.. And known partially not completely though how…..?....! But how is that some people simply get along and their marriage becomes a big hit….?
Well answer lies here….:
Young adults tend to view arranged marriage as an option they can fall back on if they are unable or unwilling to spend the time and effort necessary to find spouses on their own. In such cases, the parents become welcome partners in a hunt for marital bliss. Further, in several cultures, the last duty of a parent to his or her son or daughter is to see that he or she passes through the marital rites.
Some of the major factors that are considered the order of priority are:--
1. Family Reputation.
2. Educational Qualification.
3. Psychological Compatability (Mode of thinking ).
4. Wealth.
5. Horoscope.
6. Age.
7. Language.
8. Culture.
9. Religion.
10. Diet or Food Habits.
11. Physical Preventability
These are certain basic and common factors which should be common amongst the perspective bride and the groom in today’s modern world, because although these factors sounds trivial, but as years pass by these factors after marriage emerges as main factors.
The Research has shown that Arranged marriages are more stable than love marriages, since matchmaking is done on several dimensions of compatibility, instead of on a whim…
Remember friends I am not talking for or against Arranged or Love Marriage… Don’t misunderstand me.
As one of the writers has rightly said that :-“ Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.” When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!
"Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing OR Marry some one who shares same Goals in life."
At last would like to share something very usefull tip for a happy married life, which one of my very good friends passed on to me..... which was indeed helpfull and practicle :-
He said irrespective of Love or an Arranged Marriage :--
Few tips for a happy life:
* Life is Short......! Don't take things very serious and don't get offended, try and avoid quarrels.
* Follow the principle - Forgive and Forget.
* Don't try to Investigate things - Trust
* Love - you will not be happy without love - it brings happiness in life.
* Establish a good communication.
* DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
* A SENSE OF HUMOR
* INTIMACY
*GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
* SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
Hope, Trust and, Love.
What is LOVE ?1. "Love is patient and kind;
2. love is not jealous or boastful;
3. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way;
4. It is not irritable or resentful;
5. It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
6. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
7. Love never ends; 1 Cor 13:4
These tips did really work for me... it will definitly help you too...! and makes the relationship stronger....! :)
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Social Psychology
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